This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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