need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
