I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
