if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
