he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
