so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
