my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize