What did we do last night that was yellow?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
