i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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