yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
