Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
