people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
