Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
