i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
