Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My vagina is officially offended.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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