I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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