i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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