Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
