I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
