You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
