Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
