My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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