Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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