he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
