now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
