Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
