She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
