Please, let me fuck your mom
I have demons in me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
