There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Actions speak louder than pants.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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