i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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