cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
