I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
