my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
