my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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