I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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