dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
