I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize