I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
