There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
