And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
