i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize