lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
