why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need a beard to bite.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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