Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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