Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
