I love watching others lives come down to our level.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize