i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Watching her eat just hurts me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
