OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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