If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You made out with two different species that night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize