She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
