that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
