I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
