I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
