Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
