....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
