i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
