Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
