I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
