Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My vagina just recognized that song.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize