Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
