i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
