took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
